The Tap Out
I'm probably am going to regret this post. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I already do...but...FUCK IT.
Excuse me for being there for you.
Excuse me for putting all my real thoughts aside to let you vent for months and months.
Excuse me for reaching out. While you never pick up the phone in turn.
Excuse me for trying to be the kind of friend I would want.
Excuse me for not being ecstatic while you ruined the day leading up to my wedding to go on and on about how great your guy is and how you are going to marry him. Never mind my wedding was 11 years in the making and I wanted everyone to celebrate and focus on me. Okay, maybe that was selfish, but fuck...it was my bachelorette party....and my wedding. The one time in a woman's life that the focus SHOULD be on her.
I just ignored it while everyone else asked if it bothered me because it sure as hell bothered them. I told them you are my best friend and if you are happy, then I am happy.
Although this is true. I knew you would get hurt...over and over.
So, I sat there. Knowing the kind of selfish, childish, evil person you got yourself involved with. I said my peace and left it at that. If you openly asked for my real opinion, only then would I give it. Usually, you would do this after breaking up with him.
I tried to be supportive and helpful when you asked advice in your relationship matters. Despite, how I felt about him, I tried to be neutral.
Now you say that you can't talk to me.
Why?
What did I do?
What did I not do?
Is it because you want me to tell you that he loves you and everything will be okay?
Sorry. I can't. He doesn't. The only person he ever will love is himself. He doesn't even love his family...I'm not even sure that he loves himself and you expect to "fix" him. You expect that your love will be all he will need to get himself right.
Nope. Not ever going to happen.
He is the kind of person that will tell you what you want to hear only when he thinks that there is a chance that he might loose you right when he's on the brink of needing something from you. Easy money or easy sex. Whichever, he's in need of.
What gets me is that there have been others that you have dated that were almost just as bad and I'd tell you my opinion and you'd actually appreciate it. Now...I am the one who gets cut out.
I know you say that you love him, but I do not believe it is the kind of love that I know. That my mother knows. That my sister knows and many other women who have given and received love and compromise in order to make the relationship work.
I do not pretend to have a perfect relationship, but I know that Eric loves me because of the things he does for me. The willingness he shows on a daily bases to prove that he wants nothing more than for me to be happy.
From this point. I am cashing in my chips. I am no longer going to be the one who puts forth all the effort. If you need me, I will still be here. I will still answer my phone/return e-mails.
But, I cannot set myself to receive more hurt. If I can't tolerate you doing it to be with him over and over again, then I certainly cannot tolerate it in myself.
There is much more that I could say, but I will not dwell.
My feelings have been hurt for days and many thoughts have ran through my brain, many that won't make too much sense at this point.
You can't talk to me. And I certainly can't talk to you.
Thanks for being there in the past. I will still love you like a sister.
Excuse me for being there for you.
Excuse me for putting all my real thoughts aside to let you vent for months and months.
Excuse me for reaching out. While you never pick up the phone in turn.
Excuse me for trying to be the kind of friend I would want.
Excuse me for not being ecstatic while you ruined the day leading up to my wedding to go on and on about how great your guy is and how you are going to marry him. Never mind my wedding was 11 years in the making and I wanted everyone to celebrate and focus on me. Okay, maybe that was selfish, but fuck...it was my bachelorette party....and my wedding. The one time in a woman's life that the focus SHOULD be on her.
I just ignored it while everyone else asked if it bothered me because it sure as hell bothered them. I told them you are my best friend and if you are happy, then I am happy.
Although this is true. I knew you would get hurt...over and over.
So, I sat there. Knowing the kind of selfish, childish, evil person you got yourself involved with. I said my peace and left it at that. If you openly asked for my real opinion, only then would I give it. Usually, you would do this after breaking up with him.
I tried to be supportive and helpful when you asked advice in your relationship matters. Despite, how I felt about him, I tried to be neutral.
Now you say that you can't talk to me.
Why?
What did I do?
What did I not do?
Is it because you want me to tell you that he loves you and everything will be okay?
Sorry. I can't. He doesn't. The only person he ever will love is himself. He doesn't even love his family...I'm not even sure that he loves himself and you expect to "fix" him. You expect that your love will be all he will need to get himself right.
Nope. Not ever going to happen.
He is the kind of person that will tell you what you want to hear only when he thinks that there is a chance that he might loose you right when he's on the brink of needing something from you. Easy money or easy sex. Whichever, he's in need of.
What gets me is that there have been others that you have dated that were almost just as bad and I'd tell you my opinion and you'd actually appreciate it. Now...I am the one who gets cut out.
I know you say that you love him, but I do not believe it is the kind of love that I know. That my mother knows. That my sister knows and many other women who have given and received love and compromise in order to make the relationship work.
I do not pretend to have a perfect relationship, but I know that Eric loves me because of the things he does for me. The willingness he shows on a daily bases to prove that he wants nothing more than for me to be happy.
From this point. I am cashing in my chips. I am no longer going to be the one who puts forth all the effort. If you need me, I will still be here. I will still answer my phone/return e-mails.
But, I cannot set myself to receive more hurt. If I can't tolerate you doing it to be with him over and over again, then I certainly cannot tolerate it in myself.
There is much more that I could say, but I will not dwell.
My feelings have been hurt for days and many thoughts have ran through my brain, many that won't make too much sense at this point.
You can't talk to me. And I certainly can't talk to you.
Thanks for being there in the past. I will still love you like a sister.
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