The Marsh Marsh Chronicals

Intimidation. You think you’ve won. Discrimination. My words were spun. I may have epilepsy. But that’s not all there is to me. And don’t think that I can’t see. Everything you’ve done to me. Congratulation. You convinced me it was my imagination. You “Hitler,” you blamed it on my “filter.” Contemplation. No hesitation. I’d be doomed to damnation But, I wanted to end the pain. No need to live if I am insane. I remember clearly that day when I tried to file a complaint. You abused me without restraint. Your heart was dark, so you gas lit. I guess you thought that I’d forget. Both of you on your high horses, Where was the “human” part of “human” resources? I am now free, but you will never be. May you have to live with your shame. And may you remember my name. May your guilt show you my face One day, tru

Recently, I had been trying to figure out why I spend the end of July through August in a deep depression. The only thing that pulls me out of it is my birthday in September and then I am just fine until the end of July rolls around again. There was something about this time of year that has left me in tears, something I couldn’t put my finger on. There are some things I had tried to push back in the corners of my mind, while things I need to remember escaped me. August 4 th is one of those things that every year an alarm would go off in my head but since I couldn’t place the date, I just pushed it out of my mind and moved on. Eric’s dad’s birthday is August 5 th , so for a while now I figured that I was just confusing his birthday for another important date. This year I remembered why this time of year gets to me the way that it does. I don’t know how my memory was triggered. I think it was perhaps how close we came to losing my mama. I think it was the hours spent in the hospi

I hated myself immediately, but being the stubborn bitch I am the majority of the time, I just could not cease and desist. I guess I just assumed that you didn't want to talk to me. I let myself get upset over a status from weeks ago, that probably didn't have anything to do with me. But, of course, I read too much into it. Constantly, I wanted to call you but I always felt that you didn't want to talk. I forgot that if I someone wants something bad enough they make it happen. You're right. I don't know anything about anything anymore, cause I haven't been around. Why I haven't been, I do not know. I guess it started over a year ago after my suicide attempt. I just feel like I want to talk about me all the time and I feel guilty about that. I'm a burden to everyone as it is and after that, it just got worse. I know, it doesn't matter. Hell, I know in the larger picture of the universe I don't matter nor do any of my supposed problems. Unl

     The amount of stress I'm under has reached a new peak. Not only are the stresses of school really getting to me, but also some other stuff I won't be able to really talk about until I know something for sure. But, lets just say the uncertainty in both the immediate and long term future has got me panicking.  Right now, I'm so tired of school and with my graduation coming up, I'm not nearly as motivated as I should be. I guess you could say I'm burnt out.      I suppose the only way I can deal with my emotions is to type something out. Or maybe just cry. I don't know.  I just need some time to process everything going on, but I don't have the luxury of time.      Right now, I should be doing school work, but after a long day of school that starts around 6am and work that last until around 10:00 pm, I just do not have the energy.      I know, I know...I could call my friends and family who love me. But, talking doesn't really help. I end up just

       Well, I can't say that I haven't given myself this lecture a million times over.       Some may say that my philosophy of life is unhealthy and downright pessimistic.      That is not my intention.       So, what then, is my intention?       Reality.       Uncovering the truth about why people fail in this world.       Although some may fail at love while others at wealth and some at both.        There is only one true reason.       The person in question did not look out for number one.        Sure, it may sound depressing...but lets face it...        Sooner or later the people you love will let you down.        Whether they break your heart, steal your money or just disappoint you, they will eventually let you down.        You cannot rely on anyone else to get you to the top either emotionally or economically.        Sacrifice will leave you filled with regrets that pave the road to your ultimate death bed where you will lay and won

     I suppose it does baffle the mind to wonder why I haven't felt the need to sit down and write about this before. This August will mark the 5th year since I've had my first (at least that we know of) seizure. I'll never forget it. 2009. The first day of Fall Semester. My very first day at Florida State University.      It wasn't until a day in 2010, while living in Los Angeles,  that we finally realized the insane blank stare, zombie walk and violent shaking were called, "seizures." I had a "spell" one morning before work. Went to work feeling terrible and woke up in an ambulance, where the paramedics told me I'd had a seizure. I said, "What is that?" right before passing out.      And since then, we knew this was not a problem that would go away. We also realized that just because someone is 27, doesn't mean they won't develop epilepsy. I always thought it was something you were born with. But, apparently...that