Hopes, Dreams & Buffalo Wings...

Nope, I don't even like buffalo wings...but the title is catchy.

I don't have long to write as I must be up early to go to another day of dreaded work. A day of dumb people who shouldn't be allowed to be within 50 feet of electronics, let alone allowed to use them.

I don't even know what to say, but I do know I have a lot on my mind.

I want so many things. Things for myself and for others.

I want to take the advice of my family & friends and go out on this venture into the unknown, but at the same time I am so scared of failure that it gives me panic attacks just thinking about it. All signs throughout my life have pointed me in the direction of creativity and entertaining.Most specifically...writing.

However, every time another sign is thrown at me, I have a tendency to talk myself out of it, calling it another coincidence. "Well, Marsha...there are people out there way more talented than you. You would be just wasting your time."

I don't know why I do this, but I do. I guess a shrink would say I'm more afraid of success than failure. Perhaps, maybe the thought of not having enough to complain about antagonizes me. Stupid thought, huh?

Tonight, I have a lot on my mind. I think I hurt my BFF's feelings and in turn, I want to punch myself in the vagina repeatedly. I honestly, didn't mean to. I just hate seeing her get hurt, and I guess in my own way...I think I'm helping. Which in reality, I am not. And I SHOULD know that. So, if you're reading this. I'm so sorry. I will try to watch what the hell I say from now on. Please know, that I regretted it instantly.

I also have been thinking a lot about my brother. I hate to see him so sad & lonely. I want so much for him to find the companionship he needs not only for his own happiness but also for the feeling that having a healthy social life can bring. If I could do anything to change it I would. I know that it must be difficult finding someone when you work full time and play the role of father and mother to three growing boys. I hope that the fates will align to allow him to find the happiness that he so deserves.

Well, that's it for now. Just wanted to get some thoughts out before calling it a night.

Night

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letting it out

     The amount of stress I'm under has reached a new peak. Not only are the stresses of school really getting to me, but also some other stuff I won't be able to really talk about until I know something for sure. But, lets just say the uncertainty in both the immediate and long term future has got me panicking.  Right now, I'm so tired of school and with my graduation coming up, I'm not nearly as motivated as I should be. I guess you could say I'm burnt out.      I suppose the only way I can deal with my emotions is to type something out. Or maybe just cry. I don't know.  I just need some time to process everything going on, but I don't have the luxury of time.      Right now, I should be doing school work, but after a long day of school that starts around 6am and work that last until around 10:00 pm, I just do not have the energy.      I know, I know...I could call my friends and family who love me. But, ...
Read more

Slings and Arrows

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles....   Since apparently, to quote a certain asshole professor, "I'm no writer"  It leaves me no choice but to quote the long dead Shakespeare.   And oh, boy...what slings and arrows I suffer to no end.   It is one talented individual that is able to insult nearly everything that  encompasses a person's soul within one to two sentences.   I probably should have gotten out my notepad and scribbled out  some notes so that I may build a shrine and shelf to set them on  and lay down my offerings to the God, Profess-holio!   Should it not be enough that I got every question right and wrote  accurate information? Nope. Apparently, during a test I must be the embodiment of  Shakespeare, Milton and Emerson...   Hmm...anyone else notice here how all those guys are MALE??? I cannot imagin...
Read more

A Girl, a Box and A Crayon

Some might think this is peculiar. But, I find myself constantly writing things. Well, at least in my head. It's very rare that I take the time to log into blogger and actually type something I wrote mentally but, this time I do feel the need to do so. The night after learning something that hurt my family, I wrote this as I laid in bed tormented by stress, anger and uncertainty. As I type this now you might be asking yourself, "Do you feel this way as you type it out?" Yes, I do. I may feel a little less anger but with every day that passes, the stress and uncertainty increases. A Girl, A Box and A Crayon  By: Marsha K. Rodriguez        There was a day about 17 years ago that stays engraved in my memory. I'll never forget it. The death of a person very near and dear to me. It was also the day my childhood died.      I still had many toys and dolls but on that day, I got rid of them. I threw out all my kid stuff that day. Nearly ev...
Read more